By Jeff Mullin, Commentary

These are not easy times for old Saint Nick.

Santa Claus is under fire from a variety of fronts.

For one thing, there are fears the jolly old fat man will spread more than holiday cheer this season.

The H1N1 flu scare has made people nervous about close contact with others, even those with a white beard, red suit and a belly that shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly.

Parents fear Santa will dispense more than holiday magic when little ones sit on his lap and give him their Christmas wish lists. They are concerned flu germs might be contained in every happy “ho, ho, ho.”

Likewise, Santa is concerned each little sniffle, every runny nose, might be the result of more than allergies or the common cold.

“They’re touching you, there is that green slimy stuff sometimes coming out of their nose,” Santa told a Phoenix news Web site. “That upsets Mrs. Claus.”

Santa has asked for special consideration when it comes to receiving the H1N1 vaccine. Barring that, Santa is changing his red suit on a regular basis and loading up on vitamin C, vitamin E and echinacea, and the like, not to mention going through bottles of hand sanitizer.

In Hungary, the state health authority has issued an advisory recommending Santa not kiss children, whether they have green slimy stuff coming out of their noses, or not, to avoid spreading disease.

Then came the news kids in many places wouldn’t even be able to write to Santa this year and receive a reply. The U.S. Postal Service recently announced it was dropping a popular national program that brings replies to Santa letters postmarked from the North Pole.

But the USPS said it was dropping the program after a postal worker in Maryland involved in Operation Santa was a registered sex offender.

What is this world coming to?

Good news came the other day, however, in the form of a press release from the postal service. Operation Santa, it seems, is alive and well.

Part of Operation Santa involved volunteers “adopting” letters and providing written responses and gifts to the children who wrote them. Volunteers still can do this, but they will now only see a copy of a child’s letter, with the address and personal information blacked out.

And those North Pole postmarks, they still are available, though they will go to a large postal processing center, not to the post office in the small village of North Pole, Alaska, which has been providing the stamps since 1954.

To obtain the North Pole postmark, send letters to Santa to North Pole Holiday Postmark, Postmaster, 4141 Postmark Dr., Anchorage, AK 99530-9998. Of course, you can always write to Santa in care of the News & Eagle at P.O. Box 1192, Enid, OK 73702, and we’ll make sure he gets them.

No matter what is on your wish list this holiday, here’s hoping Santa doesn’t bring you some glittering reindeer poop. The Miller Park Zoo in Illinois is selling jewelry made from reindeer dung. The necklaces sell for $15 and are made with some beads, glitter and sterilized reindeer droppings.

Perhaps reindeer poo is just what is in order for organizers of a Christmas parade in Raleigh, N.C., who have banned Mrs. Claus from taking part.

Organizers say children would be confused if there were two people in red suits in the parade.

That shouldn’t be a problem, unless, of course, Mrs. Santa sports a full, white beard.

Reindeer poo would be too good for a thief in Idaho who tried to rob a drug store. The man was wearing a Santa Claus beard.

That’s it, it’s to the top of the naughty list for you.



Mullin is senior writer of the News & Eagle. E-mail him at jmullin@enidnews.com.