By Jeff Mullin, Commentary
Now that the turkey leftovers are taking up space in the fridge, it is time for that time-honored tradition, holiday stories that make you feel all kind of warm and fuzzy inside (however if your leftover turkey is all warm and fuzzy, throw it away).
There once was a daddy with three daughters who were the loves of his life.
The littlest daughter, a blonde, apple-cheeked cherub, had one thing at the top of her Christmas list last year — a pink ride-on Barbie car.
Daddy would have been happy to provide his youngest child with this object of her heart’s desire, had the toy’s price tag not been upwards of $300.
But good old capitalism came to the rescue in the form of the day after Thanksgiving, known as Black Friday, since it is the day retailers hope to write in their ledger books with black ink, rather than the red that indicates a loss.
A flier arrived from a magical place called Wal-Mart, advertising the coveted Barbie car for less than a hundred bucks. Daddy was so happy, now he would be able to make his little daughter’s Christmas dreams come true, and not break his budget.
All he had to do was give up some sleep. He had to be at Wal-Mart in the wee hours of Black Friday, to be one of the first people in line to snag one of these coveted items at such a low price.
So daddy shook himself from the bonds of tryptophan-induced slumber and headed out to Wal-Mart, where he joined the line of other bleary-eyed early morning shoppers.
Finally the big moment arrived, and Wal-Mart elves pulled the shrink wrap from the deeply discounted items, of which the Barbie car was one, clearing the way for the eager shoppers.
Daddy grabbed the first Barbie car he could get his hands on. It came in a big box, but that was OK, since daddy is a big guy.
All at once a woman grabbed one of his hands, and another woman grabbed the other. Before he could react they pulled at his hands, while digging their nails into his flesh. The women kicked daddy in the shins, while a third party, a man, snatched the Barbie car from his grasp.
Instantly the trio vanished, as did the Barbie car. At that point, all the deeply discounted Barbie cars were gone.
Daddy put up a fuss, but the people who run the store said there was nothing they could do to help him. The people who stole the Barbie car from him did not steal it from the store, so daddy, and daughter, were out of luck.
Merry Christmas.
Daddy wound up with bruises and scrapes for his trouble, but fared much better than 34-year-old Jdimytai Damour of Jamaica, N.Y. The seasonal Wal-Mart worker was trampled and died in 2008 when more than 2,000 shoppers stampeded to get at Black Friday bargains.
Wal-Mart has beefed up its crowd-management and security procedures, and non 24-hour stores will remain open 24 hours leading up to Black Friday to try and prevent any more deaths or injuries on the craziest shopping day of the year.
Keep in mind if you do go bargain shopping today, you run a high risk of disappointment, not to mention mayhem. These computers, toys and other coveted items being sold for almost impossibly low prices will be in impossibly short supply. If you aren’t first or second in line, you likely will be out of luck.
If you do hunt Black Friday bargains, don’t go alone. Take a couple of the biggest friends you can find, one to help you carry your items and the other to watch your back (or fight off bargain pirates like the ones who attacked daddy last November).
And if you dive into the Black Friday melee and come out with the bargain you were seeking, congratulations, and here’s hoping the bruises and scrapes heal by Christmas.
Mullin is senior writer of the News & Eagle. E-mail him at jmullin@enidnews.com.
