The first time you held that tiny bundle of lovable fur in your arms, were you thinking about the vet bills? Or the cost of food, shelter, chew toys, collars, and the number of pooper scoopers you’d replace over the next 8 to 14 years? Probably not. Because at that moment, even if you KNEW the cost of the health and happiness of this warm and wiggly little puppy in the course of her lifetime — would you take her home anyway? Most likely.

While the average cost of raising a dog to the age of 14 is around $12,000, it only takes a quick look around the local pet store to know the sky’s the limit for some extra pooch pampering. While you may head in there with dog bowls and a leash in mind, you might be leaving with a couple of doggy dresses, matching hair bows, or maybe a $360 “Pet Loo” — a fancy artificial grass-covered pan that acts as a little patch of indoor lavatory — eew!

If you’re intent on keeping your pet budget under control, don’t even go down those aisles that feature stroller/car seat combos for up to $200, purses for carrying pets, purses for the pets themselves, jewelry and pedicure kits. These days you can pick up a DNA identification kit (I kid you not!), and even a $300 bed with a handmade iron frame, complete with mattress, bumper pads and throw pillows. And for sure STAY OFF THE INTERNET where you might be tempted to order a slobber and chomp-proof Casio cell phone or pick up a $500 vacuum cleaner from Halo Technologies that traps and kills 99.9 percent of dust mites, flea eggs, bacteria and mold. Allegedly.

Then there is the matter of smells. Dogs have a lot of them and there are as many products to eliminate unpleasant dog odors as there are dog breeds, when the truth of the matter is the only way to have a home free of dog smells is to not have a dog!

Besides the expense of personal hygiene (and there’s no getting around a certain amount of expense here), there’s always the issue of who in the family is going to be the head caregiver. I mean, even though I know she’d let me, I don’t really want to brush my dog’s teeth, clip the hair out of her ears, or subject either one of us to the horrors of a for real product called “Tushie Wipes,” available from crittercottage.com in packs of 100 for the tidy sum of $19.97.

I did once try to save a trip to the vet by attempting to empty my dog’s troublesome anal sacs myself. The Internet said I could. After setting up an area of the backyard that soon resembled a wing of the surgery center, I slipped on a pair of rubber gloves and went lookin’ for my patient. Turns out it’s really true you can’t wrestle a 100-pound dog to the ground who knows you’re up to something, without some burly assistants, anesthesia, or at the very least a doggy straight jacket (wonder what one of those would run me!)

And remember that $12,000 you’ll spend over the course of your dog’s lifetime? That doesn’t include replacement parts for your home. The three labs we’ve had over the years have stripped the bark off every tree in the backyard, chewed dryer vents off the side of the house, torn off and shredded an expensive set of trampoline pads, worn numerous holes in the carpeting from “scratching” a nice laying down spot, nibbled the lower edges of the kitchen cabinets from one side of the room to the other, eaten half a dozen remote controls, chewed the insulation off every exposed pipe within gnawing range, and one of them even managed to yank a door half off the back of the house just by pulling on the doggy door flap!

No, they don’t come cheap, these crazy dogs, but they do come loyal and loving and will be our best friends for as long as they live — and that, my friends, won’t cost a cent.



Peck is a local mother and grandmother who works in Enid Public Schools. She can be reached at peckaroonie@yahoo.com.