Headlines. They are designed to attract attention, to pique the curiosity of readers enough to entice them to read the story beneath.

Some are famous, like the one captured in the memorable photo of Harry Truman holding up the Chicago Tribune featuring the banner headline reading “Dewey Beats Truman.” He didn’t of course, as Truman won re-election to the presidency by beating Thomas Dewey in 1948.

New York’s tabloids are known for their splashy headlines, like “Headless Man in Topless Bar,” or “Ford to city, drop dead.” The former topped a story about police finding a decapitated corpse in a strip bar, the latter a 1975 piece about President Gerald Ford turning down a request for aid from a virtually bankrupt city of New York.



Some headlines are just downright funny, though not intentionally so. The following are actual headlines that have appeared in actual publications: “Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers,” “Grandmother of eight makes hole in one,” “Eye drops off shelf,” “N.J. judge to rule on nude beach,” and “Queen Mary having bottom scraped.”



In my 32 years in the newspaper business I have written thousands of headlines and read thousands more, so it isn’t often I find myself surprised by one.

But one I saw on the Internet the other day did the trick.

“Marriage: It’s only going to get worse,” it read.

The story went on to say a study done by researchers at the University of Michigan found couples tend to view one another as increasingly irritating and demanding the longer they are together.

So then I read another headline concerning marriage. This one said “Spouses who fight live longer.”

This one topped a story about another University of Michigan study (don’t they have anything better to do?) indicating that couples who don’t fight die earlier than ones that do.

And here I thought I was perfectly happy with my bride of nearly 33 years. Now I am told by experts that she will begin to get on my nerves as time goes on. She doesn’t now, by the way, we get along quite well.

And as for the fighting bit, we don’t, not really. So perhaps that indicates I already get on her nerves, and by not picking fights with me she is secretly trying to kill me?

Or maybe not.

No matter how the experts attempt to lump everyone in the same nice, neat psychological boxes, every person, every relationship, is different.

Marriage is a journey everyone enters without a road map (which, for you young people, is kind of like a GPS device, except harder to fold).

It wouldn’t matter if there was a map, men wouldn’t consult it, preferring instead to barge blindly ahead searching for landmarks along the way.

In some marriages one partner or the other leads the way, sets the tone, plots the course, drives the ship. In others spouses sit side-by-side in the pilot house, sharing responsibility for trying to keep the good ship matrimony from running aground on the shoals life inevitably puts in the way.

Good marriages are made of stern stuff that can withstand obstacles like money troubles, illness or infirmity. They even can weather the irritating or annoying things we all do that bug the daylights out of our spouses, But the rocky shores of infidelity and the loss of trust will tear the hull out of any matrimonial ship.

Love each other. Put each other first. Respect each other. Talk to each other, then shut up long enough to listen to each other. These are the ingredients of a successful marriage.

And the good ones don’t get worse as the years roll on, only better.



Mullin is senior writer of the News & Eagle.