It’s been a long, hard winter for Steve and me.  Not the cold and snow – we kind of like Oklahoma’s unpredictable winters. It’s just been a particularly “unwell” season for both of us – more coughs and colds than usual, with a few more serious concerns thrown in there.

We’ve always prided ourselves on managing to stay healthy and vital without much help from a prescription pad. For years, our medicine cabinet contained little more than a bottle of Tylenol and a box of throat lozenges.

Our recent descent into pharmacopia started out innocently enough. My blood pressure got a little high, his cholesterol was up. And of course once our exceptionally thorough doctor was through with our aging selves, we not only had the necessary prescriptions, we also added in some omega-3 fish oil and an aspirin-a-day.  Actually, Steve opted out of the fish oil regimen – he can’t swallow pills, and have you seen the size of those fishy softgels? (He pretty much pulverizes his cholesterol medication to get it down!) So, the cabinet was getting fuller, but we still felt fairly under-medicated, all things considered.

We DO know blood pressure and cholesterol can almost always be controlled by diet and exercise. (We’re just not very consistent with the diet and exercise thing.) In fact, diet and exercise can help control almost all of the most common maladies we Americans think we need prescription drugs for. Those most common maladies being hypertension, high cholesterol, anxiety, depression, pain of various types, type-2 diabetes and acid reflux.  Imagine that.  

Then Steve’s chronic cough was determined to be associated with the acid reflux that always has troubled him, so here came the prescription time-released capsules used to treat GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease).  He gets those babies down by dumping the capsule’s contents into a little applesauce. He is an inventive man, my husband. And what’s one more drug for the shelf?

I pulled a hamstring – he developed an abscessed tooth. Anti-inflammatories for me, an antibiotic (liquid) and some hydro-codone (also liquid) for him. Our medicine cabinet is now officially a medicine pantry.

So, here we are, not exactly heavily medicated, but doing our fair share to support the pharmaceutical industry. We’re thankful our blood pressure, cholesterol and acid reflux are under control, but we are suddenly facing a messy conglomeration of nasty side effects.

Collectively, we have the possibility of experiencing headaches, nausea, vomiting, stomach pain, diarrhea, constipation, dizziness, drowsiness, light-headedness, hearing loss, vision changes, lack of appetite, increased appetite, muscle pain, muscle cramps, anxiety, fear, mental or mood changes, slow or irregular breathing, slow or irregular heartbeat, chest pain, coughing, flushing, dry mouth, difficulty swallowing, insomnia, fatigue, dark urine, diminished amounts of urine, yellowing of eyes and skin, swelling of the face, swelling of the gums, swelling of the legs and hair loss. I think I need to lie down.

And if my restless legs keep me from resting, well, there’s a dandy little drug for that, too. Only problem is, I might become a pathological gambler and/or experience odd sexual impulses. At least, and thank goodness, my legs won’t be restless during these new hobbies.

If I still can’t sleep, guess I could try one of those cures for insomnia.  Near as I can tell, there are only a handful of side effects with one of the more popular ones – nausea, vomiting, anxiety, hallucinations, a little depression, perhaps some risk-taking behavior, sleep-walking, and sleep-eating.  Man, just the thought of sleep-eating is enough to make my blood pressure go up and ... wait a sec ... I might be hallucinating again, but I think I have a pill for that!



Peck is a local mother and grandmother who works in Enid Public Schools. She can be reached at peckaroonie@yahoo.com.